There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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