they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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