I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
