PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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