Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
