Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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