oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
