I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
