you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
