jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
