At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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