I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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