Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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