We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
