If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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