i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
