My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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