we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize