The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
