She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
