At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
