Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
