apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
