the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
