i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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