so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Also, beer. Big fan.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
