his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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