just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
