I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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