She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
