5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
