Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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