I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
