so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
