Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
