waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
