literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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