Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
