Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
