thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
