Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
