so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Girls should come with a carfax report
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
jump out the window naked night went bad
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
