I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
