i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize