Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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