once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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