I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
