How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
