Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm too high and old for this...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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