I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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