With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize