she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
