My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
