boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
