tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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