ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize