her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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