marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You took a bar mat shot.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
