You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
