i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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