Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
