it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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