That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
