it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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