At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
