I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
