Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
