I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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