First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
