$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
