I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
