Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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