he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
