He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my shit smells like andre
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
