Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I have tasted many bathrooms
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
