you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
