I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize