Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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