you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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