It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize