That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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